Responding with Justice and Mercy
Justice-giving to the other their due in regard to both law and duty. Includes obedience, truthfulness, gratitude and religion (justice towards God), and social justice.
Mercy-treating others with compassion. Includes forgiving without limit or reservation, understanding, hospitality, and comforting. Prayers are declarations of God’s mercy. Mercy combats violence and cruelty against others.
Responding with Justice
Mercy-treating others with compassion. Includes forgiving without limit or reservation, understanding, hospitality, and comforting. Prayers are declarations of God’s mercy. Mercy combats violence and cruelty against others.
Responding with Justice
- Cooperate with police investigations
- Report what you know to proper authorities
- Pray for the truth to be revealed
- Anger at the circumstances-righteous anger that sins exists, that someone we trusted as our spiritual leader could have succumbed to such grave temptation, etc.
- Forgive the person-repeat "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," and "lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy."
- Pray for the accused.
- Sharing the hurt we are experiencing is an act of mercy towards ourselves. We can share with trusted family members, friends, teachers, coaches, coworkers, etc. When we share, we must be diligent about the "neither" section below. See also the last section "Responding to common questions/comments."
- Keep the identity of the informer private.
- Pray for all who are hurting in this situation, especially those most directly hurt.
- Share what you know with proper authorities. It is not just or merciful to hide suspicions or knowledge of misconduct.
- Gossip-sharing with the media, including on social media, sharing with ill-intent, such as to hurt another's reputation or for pride in having "privileged information" to pass along or for likes/comments.
- Speculation-about identity of the informer, about the accused's guilt or innocence, about how/when/where the alleged misconduct occurred, etc.
Unfortunately, priests are not immune to sin. They are just as human as each of us. Although it is especially disheartening when a priest hurts someone else, especially a minor, rest assured that the failings of the priest have no bearing on the validity of the Sacraments. When a priest is hearing Confessions or consecrating the Eucharist, or baptizing, it is Christ acting through him, regardless of his personal failings. We must pray that all our priests strive for holiness and remain faithful to their vows. For our situation, please join me in praying that the truth will be revealed and the just action is taken to prevent future harm and bring healing to both.
Stages of Grief
Most of us will experience grief after hearing this difficult news. This grief may come from the loss of respect for our former priest, the loss of his presence in our lives, the loss of trust in priest(s), loss of innocence or any other loss you are experiencing. You probably don't know why you are feeling grief, and that's ok.
There are no right or wrong feelings. You may go through all the stages or just one. You may go back and forth between stages. You could go through many intense emotions or not seem to react at all. You may skip all of these emotions and process in a different way. This reference guide is to help talk about what you may expect experience but is not a rule.
Denial
For many people, their first response is denial. Some thoughts you may experience are:
Imagining Father will return and life will go back to normal.
You may feel numb.
You may deny the possibility that the accusations may be true.
This step helps many people through the first wave of pain.
Anger
Why me? Why us?
How could he betray us like this?
What did I/we do to deserve this?
Irrational thoughts, bitterness, anxiety, rage and impatience are other common reactions in this stage.
Bargaining
Holding on to hope that things will return to the way they used to be.
What if I did _______, then everything will go back to normal.
If I had done something differently, I could have prevented this from happening.
Depression
In this instance, depression isn’t a sign of a mental health condition. Instead, it is a natural and appropriate response to your loss.
Feelings of intense sadness and despair.
Fatigued
Vulnerable
Confused and distracted
Not wanting to move on
Not hungry or wanting to eat
Not able or willing to get ready in the morning
Not able to enjoy activities like you once did
This is typically a temporary and direct response to your grief. As overwhelming as it may feel at this point, it is a necessary part of many people’s healing journey.
Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean you are ok with what happened. Acceptance is learning how to live with our loss. You may feel you reach this stage, then go back to another stage of grief. This back-and-forth between stages is natural and part of the healing process.
When to reach out for help
If you’re experiencing intense grief and feel unsure about how to cope with it, reaching out for help can provide comfort and support. Any reason that is valid to you is a good reason for reaching out for help.
You may especially want to reach out for help if you are having a difficult time with school, work or daily tasks, experiencing physical discomfort or pain, skipping meals or medications, your emotions are increasing in intensity and frequency instead of coming in waves or lessening over time or you’ve thought about hurting yourself or others.
People to call for help (for yourself or your teen): Mary Galowski work: (260) 399-1458 ext 3381 cell: 260-422-4611, Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255.
If you have an incident to report, contact Mary (above) or Rev. Mark Gurtner (260) 422-4611 and the child abuse hotline 1-800-800-5556.
There are no right or wrong feelings. You may go through all the stages or just one. You may go back and forth between stages. You could go through many intense emotions or not seem to react at all. You may skip all of these emotions and process in a different way. This reference guide is to help talk about what you may expect experience but is not a rule.
Denial
For many people, their first response is denial. Some thoughts you may experience are:
Imagining Father will return and life will go back to normal.
You may feel numb.
You may deny the possibility that the accusations may be true.
This step helps many people through the first wave of pain.
Anger
Why me? Why us?
How could he betray us like this?
What did I/we do to deserve this?
Irrational thoughts, bitterness, anxiety, rage and impatience are other common reactions in this stage.
Bargaining
Holding on to hope that things will return to the way they used to be.
What if I did _______, then everything will go back to normal.
If I had done something differently, I could have prevented this from happening.
Depression
In this instance, depression isn’t a sign of a mental health condition. Instead, it is a natural and appropriate response to your loss.
Feelings of intense sadness and despair.
Fatigued
Vulnerable
Confused and distracted
Not wanting to move on
Not hungry or wanting to eat
Not able or willing to get ready in the morning
Not able to enjoy activities like you once did
This is typically a temporary and direct response to your grief. As overwhelming as it may feel at this point, it is a necessary part of many people’s healing journey.
Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean you are ok with what happened. Acceptance is learning how to live with our loss. You may feel you reach this stage, then go back to another stage of grief. This back-and-forth between stages is natural and part of the healing process.
When to reach out for help
If you’re experiencing intense grief and feel unsure about how to cope with it, reaching out for help can provide comfort and support. Any reason that is valid to you is a good reason for reaching out for help.
You may especially want to reach out for help if you are having a difficult time with school, work or daily tasks, experiencing physical discomfort or pain, skipping meals or medications, your emotions are increasing in intensity and frequency instead of coming in waves or lessening over time or you’ve thought about hurting yourself or others.
People to call for help (for yourself or your teen): Mary Galowski work: (260) 399-1458 ext 3381 cell: 260-422-4611, Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255.
If you have an incident to report, contact Mary (above) or Rev. Mark Gurtner (260) 422-4611 and the child abuse hotline 1-800-800-5556.
Responding to common questions/comments.
If priests could marry, you wouldn’t have this problem.
- The best data says that about 4% of Catholic priests are credibly accused of sexual abuse with a minor. In comparison, 5-7% of public school teachers engage in similar activities. Here is a separating fact from fiction article if you want to know more.
- It is appropriate to respond with "thank you." or "yes, this is really hard" or something similar. If it is someone close, you can share how you are coping with the news. If someone begins digging for more information, change the topic or say, "I don't know."
- "I don't know" is the only appropriate response because we don't know. Even when the diocese completes their investigation, they do not find priests guilty or innocent: they determine whether the allegations are "more likely to be true than not true." It is a great act of humility to accept that only God and the parties involved know the truth. It is also an act of humility and trust to leave the decision to those who gather all the evidence to decide the likelihood of guilt.
- This is a question that each of us must answer for ourselves, but I hope it begins and ends with the only person who will never let us down, never leave us, never stop loving us: Jesus Christ. His Real Presence in the Eucharist, His mercy and forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance, His protecting the deposit of faith for over 2,000 years (despite some truly horrendous popes), are first and foremost on my list.